once pristine . texts . dreams

there is a contest, where one is to submit a very brief, profound statement, I’m not sure if it is to be a theory or a poem, or it doesn’t matter, but it must be very brief and, in order to win it must be the most profound. I am proud of my statements, but I decide not to enter because mine are too long and I am worried I cannot condense any of my thoughts into a brief enough statement, for which I am disappointed. my wife and I have traveled to san Francisco for her sister’s wedding, which is to be held at a trendy healthy asian soup restaurant. we are in the hotel room and I have a watch on my wrist. the watch has a large, old-ish face, like my grandfather’s, and I keep looking at it, forgetting if it is an hour off or not. if the watch is correct, we have plenty of time to get to the wedding downtown, but if it is an hour off we are late. I keep panicking that we will be late to the wedding but she is not worried. I keep nagging her to get ready and get dressed but she is taking her time. if you are late to a wedding it means you get there after the bride, and that’s not good. I am also worried about what I will wear, I forgot to bring nice clothes. I am wearing pants that are junky, but at least they are not blue jeans. my shirt is wrinkled and I wonder if I will get away with wearing these too casual things to the wedding. my wife tells me not to worry and she has blue jeans on at first and then changes into a nice dress later, making me feel underdressed, but glad that she has something decent to wear. my wife’s ex boyfriend’s family are in the hall of the hotel and my wife is talking to them. when I realize who they are I panic but then I realize that he is not there, just his parents and two of his brothers . one of his brothers has trouble walking. inside our hotel room they are friendly and talking to my wife, I am still worried we will be late . I ask her ex boyfriend’s father what the best way to get to the restaurant is, he looks at the map and tells me we are on 123rd street so it is easy just to take it straight downtown to where the restaurant is. at first I can’t see the map, it looks like we are not on 123rd street and I can only focus on the large diagonal street, but then I see what he is talking about. finally we leave for the wedding and we take a taxi but suddenly we are on foot somewhere along 123rd street and we can’t find a cab and it is a very rough neighborhood and I think we are in trouble and I realize this route was a bad idea and he could’ve mentioned that … then we find a cab and get to the restaurant . we are on time, there before the bride, and sitting with all the guests in a pretty crowded small area of tables on the second or third floor of the restaurant, which is very nice and trendy, but casual for a wedding. I am relieved at the casualness and don’t feel underdressed, although I look down and see that I am wearing blue jeans after all, I had changed out of the other pants. then I have to go down stairs to go to the bathroom and when I return at the bottom of the stairs I run into my wife’s sister, the bride, standing waiting as she is announced to go upstairs to enter the ceremony. I feel stupid and bad and it turns out I am late anyway, arriving after the bride. she is nice about it and gestures me to just go up, and I feel self-conscious and under-dressed with my jeans. when I get up and sit down the procession begins coming up the stairs. they are the bride’s friends and I wonder why my wife is not in with the bride’s maids and I feel bad for her. but the people are strange and some butch twins come up and begin dancing as they pass and one them takes off all her clothes. it is shocking and some guests gasp and call it disgusting . then some pretty girls go by, but then a naked man comes through and just stands pauses in the middle of the procession and stares at everyone. then I feel really okay with what I wore because at least I do have clothes on and the procession is obviously very casual. then I look down and see that I am naked and I cover myself quickly with a towel. the wedding turns out to be nice and the restaurant is much larger and more elegant that it originally seemed. afterward I am walking around the restaurant and it is indeed very nice. suddenly I am with an old religious man who takes me through some large double doors into an initiation room that very few people are allowed to go into, and only if he allows it. it seems that it is okay for me to be there because I have been baptized. it is like a theater with seats, but the stage area is a large wall with ancient sacred religious markings. suddenly I realize this is a very serious man and I am undergoing a serious religious initiation. he hands me a short staff with a small paddle-like top which has a cross painted on it. he sits in the front row and I stand in front holding the cross and looking at the markings. the markings begin to take hold of me and I am affected by the power of them and I begin to sway and be disoriented and chant some things as though in tongues. but then I am not sure if I am faking it a bit and just want to be taken in by the power of the markings. but the old man seems satisfied that I have passed this step and he leads me to a long dark tunnel passage to the left of the stage. at first the tunnel is somewhat lit and although it is cavelike I am not scared because he is just ahead of me and there is some light. but presently he has gone way ahead and I cannot see him and it becomes pitch black and I am very scared. things begin to grab at me from below, something grabs my balls, I begin hitting at them with the cross, but I know that this is wrong and weak and I am supposed to hold the cross upright as I walk to ward off the things which are really not dangerous they are just in my head. then I see the face of the man in the distance on a screen which is like a movie screen but framed as though it is the light at the end of the tunnel. and I see briefly see the face of jesus on the screen. then I am finished and he welcomes me out of the tunnel and I am not sure if I have passed or not. we are back in the restaurant which is now full of people all over and I meet a jewish guy on the stairs who comments on my experience in the theater and tunnel and he tells me he has a similar philosophy which he will submit to the contest, but it has a more jewish theme. I remember that the contest requires brief statement and I wonder again how that all can be condensed into a passage so short. then I am downstairs in the restaurant and Natalie portman is there, I am surprised to see her, she is lying on the ground. she begins to talk to me specifically and I can’t believe it because she is so famous why would she talk to me, but she wants to know the address to for the contest so she can submit something. I tell her I don’t have the contact information with me but I can call her later or email her, I laugh because it means I will have a famous person’s phone number. she is hesitant to give me her phone number, but she really wants the contact information. then I give her my email address and tell her to email me . but she still objects because then I will have her email address. so finally I suggest she just create a temporary email address on yahoo and email me using that and she can delete it after I send her the contact information for the contest.