once pristine . texts . dreams

john and i have put together a deal, actually it was john’s idea, but was based on obscure secret knowledge that we both share, and we decided to make a production based on it, a large production where he and i would be the principals . now it is several months later, and i have done nothing in terms of working on the deal, i have been too busy, or i have been inattentive . now it is the first annual meeting, and we are outdoors on a sloped hillside, john is mid-slope in front of a large whiteboard and i am at the bottom of the slope with the CEO who is managing the deal along with a whole team of players who are assembled at long tables at the foot of the hill. the CEO is ostensibly managing the meeting, but john is really in charge from his position at the white board mid-hillside . i don’t know what’s going on and so i go up to john and we talk . we talk about important aspects of the deal and he tries to explain to me what’s going on but i don’t quite get it because i haven’t been involved, although i feel a bit reassured that he has everything in hand and i am still a part of things . suddenly i am insecure that we are talking without the others and i raise the volume of my voice so they can hear, but john in unconcerned with how they might feel. i proceed back down to the bottom and the CEO is very angry, he yells at me, why would john and i discuss these things alone when no one down here knows what the hell is going on. i agree with him and apologize and tell him it won’t happen again, that i feel badly for not including him and the others in my meeting with john . meanwhile, the production has begun, this is not only the annual meeting, but i realize that the main sets are being assembled next to us on the hillside and there are hundreds of crew and actors getting ready for production . at the annual meeting tables below, we are going over the term sheet for the deal, and there is this incomprehensible stuff about some obscure magic covering the entire first page of the term sheet . it isn’t until the second page that i can begin to understand the terms . there are two veteran bankers sitting next to me and i ask if they understand this stuff, one of them says no and the other claims he does . i see that there is a wall that has been built down the center of the hillside, dividing our meeting from the main set, which is on the other side of the wall . i go over and see what looks like a large foundation of a castle like structure made out of stone . some of the actors are coming through and they are in medieval garb . i try to find john again but i cannot locate him . i am becoming very uptight again about my own lack of involvement in the production . is john handling all this? there are so many people in a production like this and i didn’t even realize we had hired producers and directors and these teams of crew . all the crew and cast are on tables on the hillside now, john’s white board station is still at the center and he seems to be running things but the whole hillside has turned into a large picnic where everyone is eating while production takes place . i am back down at the bottom with the financial people discussing the term sheet . a calm and friendly guy with a light orange - pink hat comes up to me and tells me he is my agent . i am happy to know i have an agent, and i ask him how much i am getting paid from the production . he just smiles and doesn’t answer right away, he says he has been advocating hard with the producer to get himself paid, i press him and repeat louder and louder how much am i getting paid? finally, as he sits back down at his spot at the table, he says, i don’t know, but 40,000 (his cut) is a small slice of what you’re making . i feel reassured, i am not out of the deal . i try to find john, i am asking people but no one knows and he seems to have disappeared . i start to look at neighboring restaurants which now surround our production site, at the beginning of the day we were alone on a hillside, but now the hillside is amidst a little village of restaurants and people, with the main street running along the foot of the hillside where the meeting tables are . finally i locate john sitting at a table in one of the restaurants . again he reassures me about everything, i can tell he is in control and he is watching out for me too, i am still a main part of everything . i ask him who put the garbage about that weird magic in the annual report, and he said it was a mistake, someone was trying to explain our obscure secret knowledge and just copied something and pasted it in there . i am reassured again, but i press him, who put that in there, he said a producer’s secretary put it in, but i don’t believe him, you don’t have a secretary, i say, did you put it in there . he insists that he had nothing to do with it, its not important, he delegated something and someone screwed up . i finally believe him, then i tell him i met my agent with a pink hat and that i didn’t know i had an agent and i ask him who got me an agent . he tells me he got me an agent, and again i am reassured, john is watching out for me in this . it is getting late in the day and i am worried that i should get home to my family . i see that the sets, production and picnic tables are being cleaned up and broken down and people are leaving . john brings me a large fish left over from the catering . it is actually just the skin of a fish, several feet long . i don’t understand what he says . he repeats, ‘corn’ , i still don’t get it but realize there is some spiced corn at the very bottom of the tail of the fish skin . ‘take it home to your family’ he says . i feel the bottom of the fish skin to see how much corn is left, if its enough to bring home, it seems like just enough . ‘corn’ i say, ‘yes, he says, corn and DOT’ ‘what is DOT?’ he tells me it’s a poison that is on the fish, see the brown, the fish has brown patches on its skin, from being in the environment for so long, all fish have it . i walk off with the fish, wondering if i should take it home or chuck it.